I’ve received my postal vote survey, filled it in in the affirmative and posted it. Meanwhile, the marriage equality ‘debate’ rages on.
I would like to imagine I’m the sort of person who enters into a fight and defends or champions the rights of others (and myself). But to tell the truth, after weeks of having to talk about my rights and why I should be treated as equal before the law, I’m fatigued. And the best thing I can think of to do is to stick my head in the sand.
I thought I was in a fairly safe cocoon. I was aware of the Echo Chamber that I had entered, a chamber in which I could shout and wail along with people just like me and feel like I was doing something worthwhile. But that’s the Echo Chamber; no one else hears you but others like you.
So then I thought I’d reach out and see if I could talk to these people on the other side of the divide. The ones who are afraid of what this change will/might/could mean.
A ‘friend’ on Facebook, someone I used to work with, will be voting no on religious reasons. He posted his position and was roundly called to task for it. He is a person of faith and is terrified of what the change would mean for his church, the anti-discrimination suits that would follow (he believes) if they refused to allow a same-sex couple to marry in their church, and the vilification that they were experiencing as people of faith. (I guess nearly 2000 years of dominance means little when they have to be told to be nice to others.)
Still, I wondered whether it would be worth talking to him because his fear is real. Perhaps I could do something about it? Then again, I thought, I won’t change his mind and I’m likely to feel worse about the whole situation and myself because of it. I let it go. He didn’t seek me out.
I’m sure the world would be a better place if we all attempted such things. But there it is. I didn’t and I’ve moved on.
The no case is harder to avoid than I imagined
What I have since been struggling with is the prevalence of the No messages now appearing on my Facebook feed. These are not from people voting no. These are from people who cannot believe the arguments the No campaign is putting forward. (I acknowledge the irony here.)
In a way, they are helping to spread the No campaign’s hate and remind us every day that there are people out there who hate and fear us. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance after all but I don’t want to read about Margaret Court. I don’t want to watch a doctor tell everyone to ‘Please, think of the children.’ I don’t want to see the photos of surveys with #voteno on them. It’s an avalanche and it’s doing my head in.
Facebook has become an even more fractious and upsetting place to be. I don’t watch the news. I don’t read the newspaper (to avoid the articles and the ads). I don’t like being this afraid. I don’t like shutting myself off from the campaign (especially while others are attending rallies and leading their crusades), but it’s how I can get through it.
Benjamin Law said, “Straight mates, please do the heavy lifting. Queers are tired. We’ve been fighting since we were born and there are more of you.” I’m bloody tired.
It’s not over yet
I am, of course, anxious about the result. Enough people need to care enough to vote, let alone vote yes. And once the result is out, and if it’s a majority yes vote, we then have to go through weeks (or months) until the legislation is tabled and passed. The No campaign won’t lay down and die.
They’ll sling even more mud. It’ll get even uglier (if such a thing were possible) and we will see which politicians will be for or against us. Matt Canavan’s recent vitriol about ‘delicate flowers’ was bad enough, and I wanted to break something when he said we all just need to ‘grow a spine’. If we get through this without even more damage, we’ll be lucky.
And so I’m doing what I can to protect myself. I’m doing my best to avoid the No campaign. I know what they think. I know their hate. I don’t need to experience it over and over. So I’m looking for the fun. I’m surrounding myself with the love of family and friends and trying to find the joy in the beauty that exists.
Love is love.
It just needs to be louder than the hate.
#VoteYes
Anyone feeling overwhelmed during this should contact QLife on 1800 184 527.
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