Lessons in Body Language from the Romance Writers of Australia 2011 Conference

I was talking to a friend recently just after we’d finished a meeting. My arms were loaded with files and bags and fold up chairs (don’t ask) and I was running late for picking up my partner. I hadn’t seen this friend in a while so I didn’t mind having a quick catch up but the alarms were ringing loud in my head that I was losing my grip and had other places to be.

I then noticed how I was standing and something I’d heard at the Romance Writers of Australia conference in Melbourne reverberated inside my skull. “Your belly button faces where you want to go.” Mentally, I looked down and sure enough I was pointing off to the side, away from my friend and as direct to the car as I could get.

I corrected myself immediately, however awkwardly, and whether my friend noticed or not, I found my attention squarely focusing back on her. I felt attentive and open, something I always aim to be when someone else is talking. (I tune out when I’m talking.) The conversation finished soon after and I toddled off to pick up my partner.

The experience reminded me of how important body language is for nonverbal communication. At the conference, I attended a session by Julia Hunter, a US federal agent, and boy was it fun. Apart from the belly button line (which is going to stick in my head forever), she covered such things as handshakes, where your eyes focus and neurolinguistic programming using plenty of examples from modern politicians. Prince Charles, the Clintons and George W Bush were the most prevalent.

Julia talked about the importance of reading body language signs in clusters. A person might hold their hand in front of their mouth but is this an urge to stop themselves from saying something or is it a regular tic? What is their normal movement and once you’ve figured that out, what body language sticks out as pertinent? There were plenty of examples to choose from. Palms up, palms down, palms facing, self-touching, “anchoring” (putting a hand on someone else’s shoulder while shaking hands), hand over mouth, corner of mouth turned down, pointing…the list goes on.

While I don’t recall any discussion about how this could be used in our writing, the possibilities were obvious and stood as a flashing light reminding us that dialogue is not all there is to communication. While I was editing yesterday, I was trying to make my character relax yet still maintain some guard. Showing is (mostly) always better than telling and turns out it’s more fun too. If you like a challenge, try to describe what a person is doing when they’ve been told they’re in a room with a seven-hundred-year-old vampire who’s got a crush on you. See? Fun!

But nevertheless, body language adds another layer of authenticity to stories and without it many of the subtle meanings we’re trying to convey in dialogue would be lost or at worst misunderstood. Have you ever tried to send a funny email that’s backfired? The way the words sound in your head don’t always (in fact, very rarely) match how they’re heard in someone else’s.

Another aspect of the session that I enjoyed was talking about neurolinguistic programming. This is how you process information, whether aurally, visually or kinaesthetically. “I see what you mean,” is an example of someone who thinks visually, whereas “I hear what you’re saying” is for an aural person. Kinaesthetics is about touch: “I have a handle on this” or “I feel blue.”

Have you thought about your characters in that way before? I know I haven’t. It would be easy to give them the same neurolinguistic programming that you do but does that serve the story well? I’d be interested to hear if anyone has. I’m going to do a scan of my manuscript and see if I have done one more than the other and to what effect.

Julia Hunter’s was one of the funnest sessions at the workshop…and not only because she gave me a free t-shirt. The topic is interesting, the applications endless and the examples as finite as you want them to be. Next time you watch the news, take a look at the politicians and how they stand. Where are their hands? Do they point? Do they repeat actions unconsciously? How about yourself? It’s an interesting exercise in self-analysis.

I know I’ll always remember to point my belly button in the right direction.

Julia Hunter’s website is www.julia-hunter.com and she can be found on Twitter @followjulia.

If you want a good course on writing body language, check out Margie Lawson’s website.